Pirates & Pixies

Game Rules

1. Setup: You will need these rules, a gameboard, your Freestanding Folded Filibusters (TM), your Rather Rectangular Rabbit (TM) and an ordinary six-sided die. Before commencing play, you should assemble the FFFs & RRR by cutting along the dotted lines, pasting them on to thin roach card, & folding Tab B into Bit C and all that. You should also carefully remove the Gameboard, avoiding potential staple entropy situations, and glue it on to a piece of thicker card (Cereal Packets are ideal, preferably a Kelloggs one rather than some cheap Aldi crap).
• Of course, we realize that you are probably a bunch of drunk pirates, and probably not together enough to have brought glue, cardboard or scissors to the fest (try asking Ship's Mum or Wayland before you despair, though). In this case we suppose you could just use the board in the magazine & use rocks or Eyes or doubloons to represent your Pirates. That would be a shame though.
• If you are worried about damaging your copy of Ahoy There!, just buy another one to cut the relevant bits out of. Other portions of your mutilated organ can be used to decorate your bedroom, send as love-tokens to beautiful maidens, or (if Elven) open dimensional portals.
2. Object of the Game: To advance your Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM) to the "Really Big Prize" square, at which point you get hot sex with Eris. Please note that the Game Designers and Publisher cannot be held responsible for any instance of Eris choosing to withhold Hot Sex, or for her Replacing the offer of Hot Sex with a mere Light Shag or Throbulatin' Soapy Tit Wank at Her Discretion.
3. Commencing Play: Each player chooses a Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM). The owner of the game throws first. Each player must throw a Six to start. Once you've thrown a Six, place your Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM) on the "Start" square and *immediately* throw again. Advance your FFF that number of squares, following any Special Instructions you might land on. Play always passes to the left, with each Player taking only one Throw of the Die unless otherwise Instructed.
4. Special Instructions: These are self-explanatory. Any dispute about precisely what the wording means should be resolved by logic, consensus, argument, and physical violence, as decided by the whim of the players at the time. There is always the option of deliberately spilling beer over the board to end the game at any time.
5. Special Rabbit Rules: Any player who is inadvertently turned into a Rabbit by a random Goddess must abide by the Special Rabbit Rules. For the remainder of the Game, he or she must use the Rather Rectangular Rabbit (TM) Cardboard Figurine instead if his or her Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM) Cardboard Figurine. There are no other ill-effects. If your Pride is so Swollen that you cannot Cope with the idea of being A Rabbit, you may "do a Brennan." In this case you do not replace your Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM) with a Rather Rectangular Rabbit (TM), but you must Miss A Turn doing a realistic Impression of Cap'n Brennan Whinging about the Unfairness of Life and Referees and Plot, and all the other players may Point and Laugh at you, at their discretion, for the remainder of the Game.
6. Optional Joker Rules: Please note that by using the Optional Joker Rules, you are essentially playing a Beta Test Version of Advanced Pirates and Pixies, and the Game Designers and Publisher are not Responsible, well, at all really. The Joker rules allow any Person who actually Is a Character Mentioned on a Square, to Reap some Special Benefit (usually an Extra Turn, taken immediately following their next Normal Turn) by Immediately that Another Person's Freestanding Folded Filibuster (TM) Lands on the Aforementioned Special Square, Doing in Real Life the Thing referred to by the Aforementioned Special Square. For Example, if Flick were playing a Game in which another Player were to Land on the "Flick Gets Her Tits Out" Square, Flick could then immediately Reveal her Bosoms (in real life, Nips and All) for a Reward of an Extra Throw. Likewise, if someone Landed on the "Catflap Attempts to Explain Plot" square, Catflap could Gain Himself an Extra Throw by Satisfactorily Explaining What Was Goin' On to the remainder of the Company; similarly if anyone landed on the "Lambkin Murders You" Square, and he Actually Murdered them out of hand, they would Immediately be Out of the Game as they would be Dead, and Lambkin could take an Extra Throw. You'll have to Blag the rest for yourselves if you land on the appropriate Square. Please note that real Food and/or Drugs would need to be given to the other Players if you wanted to gain the Benefits of Playing Your Joker and you were a Techno-Pirate, Cap'n Blood or Calico Jill.

Board

Freestanding Folded Filibusters™