Why wait for ßcurrelouß rumourß to be circulated when our trained mountebankß can have the populace goßßiping madly in minuuteß? Our highly ßkilled blabbermouthß will loudly converße in plain view of all on any topic of your chooßing, including:your enemieß feeble lack of proweßß in battle, their unkind treatment of ßtaff, questionable (even unlikely) parentage, libellously dubiouß moralß, and colourfully illegal ßexual preferenceß.
Bußy lifeßtyle? No time to ßtart meaningleßß brawlf? A bit chicken? Then you need our premier rate inßult delivery ßervice. Our reprefentativef will openly paßß on a tailor made, perßonalifed gob of vitriol that will have your foeß ßhamed, embarraßßed & expoßed before their peerß, whilßt you can carry on worrying about “the plot” /talking politicß / becoming very bleßßed / feeling ßick thereafter
Low morale? Flagging popularity? Just been made captain and realized that your “mateß” wont not to know of you? Realized that youve ßpent the firßt two dayß of the feßt trying to get laid to no avail? Let uß ßpread unlikely taleß of your “legendary proweßß” on the field of battle, the ßtartling dimenßionß of your ßword (oo-er), your ßkillful wayß in diverß actß of love, improbable capacity for quaffery and how you’re actually alright, once one gets to know you, not really much of a git at all.
...victim of circumßtance? Unfortunately in the wrong place (i.e.the murder ßcene) at the wrong time (i.e.jußt aß fomeone dieß)? Caught red handed? We can help. we’ll generate any “evidence” you deem necceßßary to clear your “good name” and enßure your unbeßmirched reputation af an upßtanding member of the community. well actually that might be ßtretching thingß a bit even for uß, but you can always employ our...
Letß ßay you’ve really cocked it up and you end up in court.
Use our one ßtop no queßtionß aßked “incentive”
conveyancing. We promiße to deliver large ßums of your caßh
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To take advantage of any of our ßervicef, pleaße ßee one of
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...vary according to the ßize of the pie and the quantity of pork required to fill ßaid pie. in general, chargeß are made depending on the exact degree of codßwallop needed to fool the average bloke: per Feltz of exageration; per Nixon of ßlander; per Clarie of innuendo; per Hubbard of fabrication, and per Norton of bravado.